This is a quick, true story about how I thought I was in a horror movie and figured out that if I was I would be dead…because I’m stupid.

A few years ago I was staying over at my parents house for the weekend, just to visit and hang out that sort of thing. Sunday morning, everyone was awake and everyone was getting ready for church except me because that’s not really my thing. I opt to stay, clean the kitchen, and just watch tv.

They leave and it’s about 10:30 because church starts at 11. So i quickly clean the kitchen so I can just sit on my butt and do nothing. I’m not sure what I was watching but it was either one of those true stories from the ER type show or it was a horror movie, I’m betting it was a horror movie because I have a bad habit that I’ll talk about later, and I have the volume pretty loud so I can hear what’s happening when I go to the kitchen.

Some time has passed, it’s probably no later than 11:30 when I think I hear a knock at the door. It’s Sunday morning, who the hell is at the door? I lower the volume a bit and I hear a knocking noise again.

They way the front door is set up is there are 2 doors; a glass door on the outside and a wooden door inside. It sounded like someone didn’t want to open the glass door to knock on the wood door so they knocked on the frame.Even though there was a door bell. Any way I get up and look out of the peephole, and there’s no body there. I can’t even see anyone walking away. So I check out the front windows and again, not a soul in sight. I go back to the couch and brush it off when I hear the knocking again.

I mute the tv and just listen, there are a few more knocks in sets of three and I realize the knocking sound is coming from the other side of the house where the bedrooms are. All I can think is ‘Who the fuck is on the side of our house?’ and then I did the stupidest thing I could’ve ever done. I even acknowledged how stupid it was while I was doing it.

I grabbed a kitchen knife and crept down the hall to the bedrooms. The knocking is still happening and it sounds like it’s coming from outside my brother’s room. In my mind I am just berating myself, ‘This is the stupidest shit you could do! If this was a horror movie you would be dead. Know what you’re dead. Fuck, I’m gonna die, I’m gonna die, I love you everyone I’m gonna die. Why because I’m stupid. Investigating a strange noise is the number 1 way to die in a horror movie, I don’t care if this is real life it’s still stupid. I’m gonna die.’

Standing outside his door I slowly turn the handle, it used to be my room and the handle is really noisy, so I don’t make too much noise. The knock is still going, bup bup bup, bup bup bup, I swing the door open and nothing. I walk closer to the window where it’s loudest. I don’t see a shadow of anyone or anything but I can still hear the knocking…it’s coming from my parents room.

‘Shit’

I leave his room and move over to my parents room.Their room, is dark, really fucking dark. They bought blackout curtains because when my dad gets back fro driving all night he needs to sleep so they got blackout curtains. Opening the door, I can’t see shit, I can kind of see where the bed and dressers are but other than that it’s hard to see anything. I flick on the light and there’s nothing out of the ordinary. But I still hear the knocking.

I’m freaking out more than before now. It’ been TEN MINUTES and I can’t figure out who or what is knocking. I nope the fuck out of the room and go back to the living room. I put the knife between the couch cushions and start texting my sister hoping she’ll let me know when they’re on their way back.

12:20ish, they come back from church and my mom and sister know something’s up, my brother jut walks past toward the bathroom. My eyes are wide, I’m breathing heavily, my mom only asks if I watch a new scary movie with the living room really dark. Before I can answer, my brother yells from his room “Mom! That stupid woodpecker is back!”

A woodpecker, a fucking woodpecker nearly gave me a heart attack. I thought there was some sick murderous bastard toying with me before going to kill me, and I yelled that. My mom laughed at me of course. I’m the only one whose mind will immediately jump to a killer rather than an animal.

I also told her how I went to check out the suspicious noise and she agreed that I was incredibly stupid and that had this been a horror movie I would in fact be dead and my brother would have either discovered my body or I would be removed from the area and discovered elsewhere.

So that’s my silly stupid me story. Anyone else have anything like this? You’re in a terrifying situation only to find you were wrong and really stupid?

On another note, I might not be able to post anything for a few days maybe a week or two because I’m moving and probably won’t have internet for a while. But I’ll do my best.

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